Here .... or OUT HERE

So I got up at 5am like normal this morning and decided I would go to Mason City early and get to Walmart before all the nut jobs wake up and go shopping. What am I talking about ..... I am probably the biggest nut job in the store.

I never went anywhere yesterday. Didn't need to. It was a pretty uneventful day. Very relaxing. If I had my way, I'd never leave this farm. I could spend FOREVER out here with my animals. I hate shopping and I hate people. .....but wait a minute, no ..... I LOVE shopping and I LOVE people. I don't want to talk to anyone but then when the Schwann man stops, I talk his leg off. When the Jehovah Witness people stop, they have to tell ME they have to go now because I won't shut up and they can't get away from me.

Russ used to tell me I am a 'Bipolar Attention Freak'. Yep. I dye my hair platinum blonde (not a normal color found in nature), I spray myself with glitter so I 'sparkle', I love feathers and sequins ..... so everybody will look at me ........but then I won't go in the store because everybody's looking at me. He used to get so mad at me. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! IF YOU DON"T WANT EVERYBODY TO LOOK AT YOU THEN WHY DO YOU DO WHAT YOU DO?!?!!! I never understood his frustration ..... I just thought that he's the weirdo .... he just doesn't 'get me'.

My boss said to me one time ..... Kelly, you're a bit of an anomaly. You don't live 'here' like most people do (and he makes a fist with his hand and holds it in front of him) .... You live "OUT HERE" (and he waves his arms in a big circle in the air). He says .... Why is that Kelly? Why can you not just be happy and live 'here' (making a little fist) like everybody else? I had no answer to that. ....but he's kind of right.

I can't seem to just go to a horse show and compete. I have to RUN the show. ....and then I have to make it the BIGGEST show ever. I can't just go to a haunted house one weekend and have fun. I have to RUN a haunted house. ....and then make it the BIGGEST one around. I can't just own a horse and ride it like normal people do. I have to make my horse into the most FAMOUS and BEST dancing horse EVER. What is wrong with me? I'm starting to think Russ was right ....maybe the wiring in my brain is crossed and I don't think like everybody else does.

I spent the drive home from Walmart today wondering why I can't just be normal and have a normal job ..... a normal life ..... and not be such an anal, competitive, bipolar freak? How come I can't just live 'here'.

While I continue to contemplate this sitting all alone on the farm this afternoon, perfectly happy by myself .... I will be sewing royal blue sequins onto my blanket to get ready to carry the flag at the Ellsworth Extravaganza this weekend where everybody will be looking at us. Then we might do a little meet and greet in their park afterward where we'll be surrounded by people. ....oh, and we got invited to go the Humboldt 4th of July parade yesterday, too. So I have to start working on our outfits for that ...... as I go back to living in my fantasy world .....
OUT HERE.