I was watching a program this morning that was trying to teach parents how to get their children to be truly thankful .... not to just say "Thank you" in certain occasions. I started to think about all I'm thankful for. I have so much compared to others who have so little. I hope that when I say thank you to people, they know how truly thankful I really am and it's not just something I'm saying to go through the motions. I know these days my emotions are up and down and all around and it's really hard to get through a conversation without bursting into tears over one thing or another. I know it's pathetic. I'm really working on it. That show today made me think again about all that I have been blessed with ..... and how everything appears to be the same but is completely different now.
I wrote something a year ago at this time ....... I was reminiscing over all I had accomplished with Gato as our show/parade season drew to an end in 2011. When it was only a year before that I was scared to death to get on him. Everytime I went to mount him, I had a pit in my stomach and was so scared. I hadn't ridden in years before getting on him. ...and then to not only get on him, but to go ride him in pubic in front of people??!! Doing something I had no idea how to do. but as that first year (2010) wore on, we bonded and something incredible happened. We became a team. We understood each other. ...and the performing became easier and easier.
By the second year (2011) we were doing things I would have told you were UNHEARD of the year before. Spinning with no hands. Learning how to actually CUE him to do the spanish walk and piaffe so he did it when I asked him to not just when he wanted to. Taking off his bridle? Are you CrAzY??!! I can't ride a horse with no bridle!!! ...but I was riding him in public with nothing on his head out in a grassy open area - NO ARENA! We learned more and more about "in hand" techniques traveling to several clinics. I taught him to sit like a dog on a bean bag chair. Who would have even imagined I could do all that when just two years before I wasn't riding AT ALL. When only a short time before I had become scared of just about any horse that got around me.
.....and so I wrote last year at about this time ..... "WOW! Look at how far we've come in this short time period. I really wonder what's in store for us in the upcoming year(2012) and what new wonderful things we'll experience and accomplish in this next year. I'm finally back on top and ready to RIDE! :o)
Well ..... little did I know all that would happen in this year and how much I would really rely on Gato to pull me out of one of the darkest holes I've ever been in. Going from an unbelievable high with Gato in 2011 to an unthinkable low losing Russ in 2012. Just as I never would have believed you if you told me I would be riding Gato with no bridle out in public ... I never would have believed you if you told me my soulmate would leave me to continue on without him on this farm. It has been literally the most devastating time of my life. ...so as time passes, Gato and I continue to travel around and perform for those that want to watch us. We haven't added a whole lot of new moves to the line up. We're still working on the 'rear' ...... something a couple years ago I said I would NEVER TEACH A HORSE TO DO. Especially when I'm on top of him. :o) We started that earlier this year but have sort of dropped it and not progressed with all the other things happening around here. The darkness hasn't passed yet. Gato continues to be there for me.
So now when I say again .... Wow, I wonder what's in store for us in the upcoming year (2013) and how many new amazing things we'll accomplish .......it means something so different than last year. I have so many new fears and dreams and hopes now. My main goal is survival. Will I be able to manage and maintain this farm on my own? I choose to focus on the good ...... the title of this post. I'm sure everything will be ok and next year at this time I will have experienced many new things that I never thought would happen to me in a million years. I'm going to try to stop being afraid of the future and start being thankful and looking forward to what's coming next.
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